Yesterday was really, really hard. I came into the office needing desperately to get the supply orders out, but could not begin them until I was sure I had a completed accurate copy of all the changes in companionships, addresses, phones and mailing numbers during this week. So - I ended up spending the entire day on just that, growing more negative each hour; I found myself saying negative things inside my head over and over again, knowing I needed to stop doing that but seemed to keep on doing it. The negativity spilled over once I was home and I found myself finally in a total meltdown, shedding tears by the bucketful, and praying for help from above. Finally I decided to try riding the stationary bicycle since exercise is supposed to help release endorphins and that is supposed to help us get happier. Maybe. So I did for awhile; no noticeable effect. More prayer, more sadness, then...I reached over and picked up a Music Club magazine - sad again, because I’m not a part of all that anymore - and glanced through it. On the last page I read a story - and realized the Lord had given me an answer to my prayers. I cut it out and threw the rest of the magazine away. The story is tucked inside my purse now; it stayed in my mind all evening and I have thought of it many times today and my attitude has improved immensely. It was truly a gift from the Lord. I want to copy it here:
The Crooked Smile
As we rolled fie-year-old Mary into the MRI room, I tried to imagine what she must be feeling. She had suffered a stroke that left half of her body paralyzed, had been hospitalized for treatment of a brain tumor, and had recently lost her father, mother, and her home. We all wondered how Mary would react.
She went into the MRI machine without the slightest protest, and we began the exam. At that time, each imaging sequence required the patient to remain perfectly still for about five minutes. This would have been difficult for anyone, and certainly for a five-year-old who had suffered so much. We were taking an image of her head, so any movement of her face, including talking, would result in image sdistortion.
About two minutes into the first sequence, we noticed on the video monitor that Mary’s mouth was moving. We heard a muted voice over the intercom. We halted the exam and gently reminded Mary not to talk. She was smiling and promised not to talk.
We reset the machine and started over. Once again, we saw her facial movement and heard her voice faintly. What she was saying wasn’t clear. Everyone was becoming a little impatient; a busy schedule had been put on hold to perform an emergency MRI on Mary.
We went back in and slid Mary out of the machine. Once again, she looked at us and wasn’t upset in the least. The technologist, perhaps a bit gruffly, said, “Mary, you were talking again, and that causes blurry pictures.” Mary’s smile remained as she replied, “I wasn’t talking. I was singing. You said no talking.” We looked at each other, feeling a little silly.
“What were you singing?” someone asked. “Jesus Loves Me,” came the barely perceptible reply. “I always sing ‘Jesus Loves Me’ when I’m happy.”
Everyone in the room was speechless. Happy? How could this little girl be happy? The technologist and I had to leave the room for a moment to regain our composure as tears began to fall.
Many times since that day, when feeling stressed, unhappy, or dissatisfied with some part of my life, I have thought of Mary and felt both humbled and inspired. Her example made me see that happiness is a marvelous gift — free to anyone willing to accept it.
I went to bed planning to share this story as a spiritual thought for Friday. This morning I got up and went to the bathroom, went in and kissed Dad Good Morning as he was at the computer, and went back to the bedroom to make the bed and begin my day. I reached for the light switch, then remembered the light was turned off by the chain hanging from the ceiling fan, so started toward the middle of the room, somehow forgetting about the chest of drawers right next to me and bumping into it with my shoulder. Surprised, I lost my balance, and in the dark was unable to grab anything to stop the fall that followed. It wasn’t much of a fall, just a little one onto the carpet, but it made me sad and I lay there for a few minutes crying gently. Dad came in, comforted me and then offered to help me up. As I tried to rise, putting my foot under me, I quickly realized that my foot was not going to hold me. Apparently my arm and my foot had tangled with the dresser to the left of me as I fell. What followed were a number of efforts: first to get up, then to wrap the foot to make it feel better (that made it worse), then to get dressed, get out into the living room - to my wonderful ancient Lazy Boy - and then plan a course of action...mostly by Dad as I was pretty much unable to move. It would have been nice to have a video of me getting out of the house and into the car...I do not have space to really describe it here...but will simply say that I eventually made it. We also made it to the urgent care facility, then to a medical equipment facility for crutches and a wheelchair, and finally to the office - and the trip to the downstairs in the rickety “elevator” of sorts. The doctor said I had broken the bone, not cross-wise, but diagonally, and would not be able to put any weight on it - hence the crutches and wheelchair. They also gave me some ibuprofen, which I asked for when they told me they were going to put it back into a “normal” position to splint it. I am glad I did, for a couple of hours later there was a great difference in how it all felt.
I managed to finally get the supply orders in, although it took until about 5:30 pm; after that we stopped at a Wendy’s on the way home so that we would have a dinner of sorts. At home I finally figured out a better way to use the crutches and am hoping that with practice in the morning I will be able to go to the football game tomorrow.... we were unable to exchange our tickets for wheel chair tickets today - that was too bad. But maybe all is well. My crooked smile story stays with me - and I am Happy!
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